Up Close and Personal by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2011-01-25T23:35:06.187000+00:00

“If you don’t slow down, Jim, I’m going to report you,” Ardeth Gamble screeched, as Jim Watson swerved around a pickup that was cruising below the speed limit on the secondary road.

“All right, all right. What’s wrong with you, Ardie? You look like something is bothering you. I’m only going twenty-five miles an hour,” Jim lied with a straight face. “Mitzi said she’d kick my ass all the way to the Georgia border if I got another citation. What’s wrong, aside from my driving?”

“Of course something is bothering me, you old coot. I thought…We’re supposed to be a couple. Me and you. Like salt and pepper. An old shoe and an old sock. Then you go putting an ad in ‘Mitzi’s Mix & Match.’ What am I supposed to think?”

“Aw, I was just trying to make you jealous. You know you’re my honey. No one can make strawberry rhubarb pie like you. You making one today?” Jim asked slyly.

“No, I’m not baking a pie today. It’s too hot to turn the oven on. Go to the grocery store and buy one. I keep looking at this drawing Mitzi gave us all. I want to say I know this girl. At the very least, I’ve seen her somewhere. Does she look familiar to you, Jim? No, no, never mind, don’t take your eyes off the road. Look, turn off here. I want to stop at the house for my sunglasses. Don’t worry about the others; they’ll figure it out.”

Ardeth was right—the moment Jim turned off West Carolina, the golf cart brigade kept on going. “My door is closed. I distinctly remember leaving it open. Good grief, what if a home invasion is going on inside? My gun is upstairs. What do you think, Jim?”

Jim looked worried. “I think that old blunderbuss is so rusty, it won’t even fire. You stay right here, Ardie. I’ll go take a look-see.” He looked around for a stick to use as a club.

Ardeth hopped out of the golf cart. “For heaven’s sake, Jim, just use your cane. Your rotator cuff is healed, isn’t it?”

“Well, no, but it’s better than it was. I need the cane to walk, Ardie.”

Ardeth yanked the cane out of Jim’s hand, but not before she gently shoved him back into the golf cart. “I’ll handle this, Jim. No home invader is going to intimidate me. Besides, I’m a lady.”

Jim pondered Ardeth’s words. “I don’t think this is a time to act or worry about being a lady. This is where you kick ass and take names later. Mitzi is going to love this. I bet we’ll get the front page of this month’s newsletter.”

Ardeth turned around on the steps to look at Jim. “Oooh, I love it when you talk tough.” She waved the cane with such a flourish that Jim cowered in the golf cart.

Ardeth advanced on the stout mahogany door with its diamond-paned stained glass and tore it open. She whipped the cane in every direction as a black streak flew through the open door to barrel across the verandah and down the steps.

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